Tekken previews lack an Aussie icon
Looking to continue a fine tradtion of turning fighting games into awful films, the trailer for the new Tekken movie was recently unleashed upon an unsuspecting internet. It’s … well, maybe it’s best if you make up your own mind:
So we’ve got a Jin, an Eddy, a comically young looking Heihachi, but in a movie that looks so ridiculous to begin with, where are the great novelty fighters? Mokujin will obviously be out of the tournament considering Jin snapped his wang arms off in the training montage, but did anyone see an android body-builder pounding the crap out of a paraplegic scientist? Anyone notice a panda cossak dancing at an angry geode? No? Well then I’m already outraged at the complete disregard for Tekken canon.
But the outrage doesn’t stop there. With what is clearly a snub to honest, hard-working Australians, director Dwight H. Little (best known for his work on Anacondas 2: Electric Boogaloo) has seen fit to exclude the AU’s favourite son Roger from the cast list. Roger (and in-pouch joey Roger Jnr, pictured left with the classic Australian “The-fuck-you-lookin-at?” expression) is a boxing kangaroo, a genus of marsupial that features prominently in Australia’s iconography, and his apparent omittance from the movie has patriotic Aussie fighter fans furious.
And as if that wasn’t enough, not content with just offending a whole continent either, Roger’s cruel cutting also means that we won’t be seeing his hetero cross-species life-mate Alex the Boxing Raptor either. So well done, Little, you’ve managed to outrage not just a country, but the whole Cretaceous period.
You should be ashamed, sir! Heartily ashamed!
Leave a Reply
Email Address: (required)